I used to think that happiness was something that came and went like the clouds, and that I had very little control over how I felt at any given moment. Like many, I associated happiness with spending time with friends, conquering career and life goals and having a certain amount of luxuries at my disposal.

I spent much of my life setting goals and insisting to myself that I would be truly happy when or if I achieved those goals. But, inevitably, like so many others, once I got to the finish line with a goal, a fleeting sense of happiness was all I enjoyed before setting my next target and concentrating on that. This is the equivalent of playing fetch with your happiness where your happiness is the bone.

I have met so many people who experience the same lack of control in relation to their happiness. We’re conditioned from a young age to associate happiness with external things. The media have a huge amount to answer for in this regard. Celebrity culture champions the people with the best bodies, the whitest teeth, the most expensive belongings etc. We’re left with the feeling from a young age that having the best ‘things’ will be the key to finally attaining that lasting sense of happiness that we crave.

Many of us end up in jobs that we don’t like, with the simple mindset that they will provide us with the things that will make us happy: the car, the house, the expensive belongings. But how many people do you know that have all of these things and are still miserable? Every week we hear of celebrities who are struggling with depression. If this methodology of how to make ourselves happy actually worked, how could these people be suffering in this way?

The simple answer is that we have it all wrong. By attaching our happiness to external factors we are handing over our power to them. When we have these things, we will feel momentary happiness until we get bored and decide on the next thing that will make us happy. In between, we may feel happy on occasions when other external factors align in the way that we like, but when they don’t, we feel upset, angry or miserable.

It all comes down to having control over our own destiny. As human beings, we like to feel in control of our lives. Yet how can we control our happiness, the most important thing in anyone’s life, when we hand over our ability to feel happy to external factors? This makes absolutely no sense. No wonder so many people struggle with anxiety and depression. Their control over their lives is lost, with no solution on the horizon, or so they think.

Most of us were never taught in school how to be happy. The most fundamental human desire is to feel happy, yet no time was scheduled to teach us how to create this for ourselves. How could we know how to be happy?

Learning how to be happy is a skill that has to be practised and nurtured. Like learning any new skill, it’s not something that can be perfected overnight but, given time and concerted effort, it is a skill that can become second nature.

Imagine living a life where external factors have little or no power over whether you feel happy or not. Of course, external factors like job promotions and finding the perfect partner will still add immense pleasure to your life, but your happiness is no longer dependent on them.

Imagine the feeling of freedom associated with no longer feeling miserable, upset or angry when things don’t fall the way you’d like them to. This is what true happiness is, and it’s available to us 24/7 if we want it enough.

As I’ve already mentioned, this is not something that’s available to us overnight, but a decision to change how we view life and a shift in mindset can trigger massive transformational change pretty much straight away. After that, the amount of effort put into nurturing that change is directly proportional to the results we get out of it.

I work with clients every day on changing how they view their world and creating a mindset which enables them to feel happy whenever they want. The changes we see from the very first session are inspirational.

We are born happy and happiness is available to all of us if we commit to positive change.

I am now taking bookings for May and June. Please get in touch here so we can arrange your free 10 minute phone consultation, today!

Best of luck,

Cilian

Here’s how some of my clients have fared with the coaching process…

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